Grace Happens

I haven't posted in weeks for the one simple reason: I had a show to put on. Well, I suppose, for artists we have a show to "put up" but I had an oral defense too and that was definitely put on. The good news is the show looked great, orals were easy and I now have a Masters degree in Art. The bad news is that now I have to figure out what to do next. It's like I suffer from some sort of near-sightedness when in school - I never imagine it will ever end. I hate this place but find myself wholly unprepared (at least, mentally) for the next step. If I even know what the next step is. It's probably a job. Now if I could only figure out what to do....
|

My exhibition is coming along well enough, though I did have about an hour of panic yesterday while moving walls. It's very frustrating not being able to do things on your own. I think this whole experience has made me surprisingly self-sufficient, so much so that depending on other people makes me a little crazy. If I was only a bigger person, I could move those stupid walls myself, or at least be some good on my own. Today, I brought my own ladder.

The work looks better that I imagined it would after all my agst in the midst of its creation. I still can't give the stupid graduate school experience a whole lot of credit for things, but at least, the work I made doesn't embarrass me.

Well, back to work.
|

Within the very throws of the last painting I need for my show, I find myself in a desperate state of procrastination. It occurs to me that I might actually miss the place when I leave. I'm not sure if that's the whole of it, but there's something to the thought. I've developed a sort of grumpy, preoccupied melancholy that I can't seem to shake nor find right cause for. Weird things set it off. Mainly, it starts in conversations where someone thinks they're agreeing with me and I know that they're actually agreeing with whatever they already thought but I can't seem to rouse myself to clarify. It feels lonely, which is odd, because in a few weeks I'll go away and be a lot more alone than I am now. I hate this sort of pre-graduation withdraw I seem to prone to. I hate it more because it keeps me from being able to think well when I paint. Everything mushes around on the board and I suddenly wonder how I ever managed to dreg up enought talent on the previous 9 paintings to make anything that looked like anything. It's like I've suddenly gone art stupid. Well, I guess I had better stop procrastinating and give it another go. At the rate I'm going each square inch of painting requires about 10 minutes of blind staring before I can even start.
|