Thursday, December 30, 2004
The 600 x 800 pixel universe
It has come to my attention that someone somewhere might have said something somewhat related to me.
Big deal.
The beauty of a blog is that it is a soapbox, not an open forum. If I wanted to get in a dialogue with strangers, I would go find one of those deplorable online messageboards where puny minds pontificate in pathetic attempts to persuade the unpersuadable. Nor do I wish to waste my time here writing a sound and well thought-out defense of my philosophy on the universe. Frankly, I think my energy and words are better spent painting my toenails and discussing Faulkner with my husband.
In my little 600 x 800 pixel blogging universe, I will say what I want the way I want and ignore anything outside of it that I wish. I just having fun, dang it, so deal with it.
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It has come to my attention that someone somewhere might have said something somewhat related to me.
Big deal.
The beauty of a blog is that it is a soapbox, not an open forum. If I wanted to get in a dialogue with strangers, I would go find one of those deplorable online messageboards where puny minds pontificate in pathetic attempts to persuade the unpersuadable. Nor do I wish to waste my time here writing a sound and well thought-out defense of my philosophy on the universe. Frankly, I think my energy and words are better spent painting my toenails and discussing Faulkner with my husband.
In my little 600 x 800 pixel blogging universe, I will say what I want the way I want and ignore anything outside of it that I wish. I just having fun, dang it, so deal with it.
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Wednesday, December 29, 2004
I'll slap him myself, thank you.
I would like to officially reassert a woman's right to slap (literally or figuratively) any man that makes obscene comments or gestures in her general direction. I've been reading an enlightening tome gifted to me by Miss Hempel entitled WHAT OUR MOTHERS DIDN'T TELL US: Why Happiness Eludes the Modern Woman by fellow harpy Danielle Crittenden. In her book, Ms. Crittenden makes some very pointed comments concerning the nature of recent sexual harrassment lawsuits:
"Yet what is remarkable about so many of these complaints...is not the seriousness of the male behavior being punished but its mildness. A woman no longer needs to show that her refusal of a man's advances caused her to lose her job or stymied her promotion in a firm, merely that his actions caused her discomfort...This isn't to say that genuine sexual harrassment doesn't occur and that it shouldn't be punished when it does. But when women are taking men to court for an unwanted compliment, something has truly broken down in the sexes' ability to deal with each other."
In other words, "we must now turn to the courts to redefine the limits that were once observed socially and ask judges to level the face slap we once could confidently administer ourselves." Are we women so incapable of standing up for ourselves when men are just being boors that we have to go to a federal agency for protection? Honestly, I'm a trifle insulted by this. I was able weather a sexual proposition made by a complete stranger when I was 15, but apparently as a woman, even as an educated one, I'm not even expected to be able to handle a well-meaning, if bungled, attempt at a compliment.
Are there real jerks out there? Of course. The solution? Put them in their place. If my grandmother was able to keep men in line with full arm slaps, cutting retorts and (my favorite) the look of death, why not avail myself of the same arsenal and alleviate our already overburdened judicial system?
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I would like to officially reassert a woman's right to slap (literally or figuratively) any man that makes obscene comments or gestures in her general direction. I've been reading an enlightening tome gifted to me by Miss Hempel entitled WHAT OUR MOTHERS DIDN'T TELL US: Why Happiness Eludes the Modern Woman by fellow harpy Danielle Crittenden. In her book, Ms. Crittenden makes some very pointed comments concerning the nature of recent sexual harrassment lawsuits:
"Yet what is remarkable about so many of these complaints...is not the seriousness of the male behavior being punished but its mildness. A woman no longer needs to show that her refusal of a man's advances caused her to lose her job or stymied her promotion in a firm, merely that his actions caused her discomfort...This isn't to say that genuine sexual harrassment doesn't occur and that it shouldn't be punished when it does. But when women are taking men to court for an unwanted compliment, something has truly broken down in the sexes' ability to deal with each other."
In other words, "we must now turn to the courts to redefine the limits that were once observed socially and ask judges to level the face slap we once could confidently administer ourselves." Are we women so incapable of standing up for ourselves when men are just being boors that we have to go to a federal agency for protection? Honestly, I'm a trifle insulted by this. I was able weather a sexual proposition made by a complete stranger when I was 15, but apparently as a woman, even as an educated one, I'm not even expected to be able to handle a well-meaning, if bungled, attempt at a compliment.
Are there real jerks out there? Of course. The solution? Put them in their place. If my grandmother was able to keep men in line with full arm slaps, cutting retorts and (my favorite) the look of death, why not avail myself of the same arsenal and alleviate our already overburdened judicial system?
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Monday, December 27, 2004
Otherwise known as a Screaming Harpy
I've pretty much had it. A recent forum obsession has led to a unpleasant discovery: there are a lot of idiots out there. Harsh, I know, but what really gets me is all those people who decided to do (or not do) something and then go looking for absolutions from a bunch of strangers on the internet. Yes, I completely disagree with you but if you didn't want to hear it, why did you ask?!
I hate debating with those who don't want to listen. Thus, I've decided to get onto this little virtual soapbox and become at ridiculously dictatorial as I wish. I will even make somewhat of an effort to be polite: Dear Sir, while I respect your right to an opinion, I must say that yours is insufferably stupid, etc.
I mentioned my new resolution to Miss Hempel, she was quite excited, mostly because she hoped I would dish out my first bitch-slap to "Tiny Tim" Sandefur. While this might be entertaining and I reserve my right to pummel him in the future, I have instead use this first post to introduce:
Hoarkplatt!
Say it with me now, "Hoarkplatt!" What is Hoarkplatt? Well, it sounds like a cat throwing up on your living room carpet in the middle of a dinner party. It means something like, I would answer that but quite frankly what you've said is so absurd (and you know it) that I'm not going to waste my breath.
Let's try it in a conversation:
TT: Human beings are most emphatically not “communal beings.”
SH: Hoarkplatt!
There, how does that feel?
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I've pretty much had it. A recent forum obsession has led to a unpleasant discovery: there are a lot of idiots out there. Harsh, I know, but what really gets me is all those people who decided to do (or not do) something and then go looking for absolutions from a bunch of strangers on the internet. Yes, I completely disagree with you but if you didn't want to hear it, why did you ask?!
I hate debating with those who don't want to listen. Thus, I've decided to get onto this little virtual soapbox and become at ridiculously dictatorial as I wish. I will even make somewhat of an effort to be polite: Dear Sir, while I respect your right to an opinion, I must say that yours is insufferably stupid, etc.
I mentioned my new resolution to Miss Hempel, she was quite excited, mostly because she hoped I would dish out my first bitch-slap to "Tiny Tim" Sandefur. While this might be entertaining and I reserve my right to pummel him in the future, I have instead use this first post to introduce:
Hoarkplatt!
Say it with me now, "Hoarkplatt!" What is Hoarkplatt? Well, it sounds like a cat throwing up on your living room carpet in the middle of a dinner party. It means something like, I would answer that but quite frankly what you've said is so absurd (and you know it) that I'm not going to waste my breath.
Let's try it in a conversation:
TT: Human beings are most emphatically not “communal beings.”
SH: Hoarkplatt!
There, how does that feel?
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